His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
