I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
