i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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