Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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