My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
