is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
