I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
