Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
