Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
