I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
MIDGETS
????
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
