I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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