Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
