I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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