I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
