cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
