if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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