I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
