My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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