Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
