Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
