dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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