i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize