Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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