To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
