I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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