Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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