Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize