Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
