8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
