it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
