Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
