she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
