Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
