i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
