Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
