Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
