i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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