I like to think it a success when the cops are called
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
