I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
