so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
