So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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