Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
