please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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