nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
