I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We need to get me chipped asap
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
