i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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