wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The air was thick with penises
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
