The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
