I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
