it wasn't lemon gatorade
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
