We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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