I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
