I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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