I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
