did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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