all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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