I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
