roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
