I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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