walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
