I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
