I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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