He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
