how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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