I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
