it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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