mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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