He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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