walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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