is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize