it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
