He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
