Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
