Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
