I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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