No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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