The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
