Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
