I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
