I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
