too bad you live with your parents still
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
