My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
