margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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