It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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