i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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