I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
