3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
