I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
